at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
