Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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