I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
