I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
