if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
