I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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