Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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