Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
