Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
