it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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