I am in a vortex of obligation.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
