Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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