just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
