how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
