do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
