yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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