If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
