Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
