My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
