when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
