I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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