Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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