Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
