oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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