And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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