it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
