everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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