no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think I won the penis lottery.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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