Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
