Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
where are my eyebrows?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
