So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
