i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
