i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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