Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
