I want to make a zoo with you.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
