His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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