it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
