Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
where does the pee come out of this thing
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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