So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
