you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
