hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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