Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
