Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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