so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
