Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
false alarm. still invincible.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
