Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
