"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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