the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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