I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
