my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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