Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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